I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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