Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im calling her cock vulture from now on
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
