I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
