That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
