How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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