I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I understand Curling. That high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
