I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
