He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
