dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
honey bunches of taint.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
