do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
