i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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