Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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