ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
