The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
