i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Mom said you looked used
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
