is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
