I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
