im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The uberlube is also flammable
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
