i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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