Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
