I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
