I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
