If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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