well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
