there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
