Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
