Moan for me like Helen Keller
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
