I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
