So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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