I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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