he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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