I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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