Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
