Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
