it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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