yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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