I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
