why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
