i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
