It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
