what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
