I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
