i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
