we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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