One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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