i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
