Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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