We won't sleep together?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
