I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
