If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
