That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
